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The first time you hold your newborn in your arms, everything in your world is perfect. As you watch your newborn fall asleep in your arms, you recall all those comments from friends, family members, and co-workers while you were pregnant and chuckle. Seriously, how could this innocent baby turn into a temper tantrum throwing two year old or a rude obnoxious child or even worse a defiant, mouthy, know it all teenager. You know your child will never be like your friend’s snot nosed temper tantrum throwing two year old. Nor will your child ever call you names like your nephew does to your sister. Absolutely there is no way your child will roll her eyes at you or sneak out of the house after you tell her no or dress so inappropriate with caked on make up like your co-worker’s fourteen year old daughter does. You know this because you and your husband will be such better parents and won’t make the mistakes you see others make.
Fast forward and thirteen years have flown by. The alarm clock is blaring as you reach over and hit the snooze button. You roll over and bury your head into your pillow as a tear starts to trickle down your cheek. All you can think of is  that this is not what you signed up for. When did life get so hard? What you thought life would be like is nothing like what your life is like. Your loving husband who was by your side every moment of labor for your first born who turns thirteen today is no longer here to help you. There was no warning or notice six months ago when your husband was killed in an accident on his way to meet you for an anniversary dinner. The police determined it was suicide but you still do not believe that. How could your husband kill himself on your anniversary? Not that your marriage had been perfect over the years but not so bad he would kill himself. Or would he?
Today you should be celebrating your daughter’s birthday but what is to celebrate? Over the years your daughter has become out of control but the last couple of months things have gotten worse than you could imagine. Your daughter has been hanging out with a rough crowd of kids, skipping school, and you suspect she has been smoking marijuana as well. Today on what should have been a day of celebration has turned into you having to drive to the court. Your daughter was picked up for truancy and put in detention for a week. Today you find out what will happen. Will you be able to take her home? Will she go into State’s custody? Will she return to detention? You just don’t know.
You smack the snooze button one more time thinking you just cannot get out of bed. You just cannot do it anymore. You cannot work two jobs just to make ends meet. You cannot deal with a child that you do not recognize anymore. You are tired of the pity looks that you get from everyone. You feel empty inside, like you do not belong. Why bother? Your husband is gone, your daughter hates you and you are just tired of it all. You look over and you see the bottle of sleeping pills that the doctor prescribed you just after your husband died. You never took a single pill so you know there are 30 pills in the bottle. Surely 30 pills would end your pain and who would care? You reach out to the night stand and….
Unknown to anyone, you daughter is lying on a cell bed in detention looking up and considering suicide. Feeling scared, abandon by her father, and thinking her mother hates her. Your daughter feels trapped and knows no way out other than in a body bag. The daughter thinks to herself that if this is what life is about she wants no part of it. The  daughter realizes all she has to do is wrap her sheet around the light, and tie it around her neck, jump off the toilet and life as she knows it would end. She clings on to her sheet as she stands up in her cell and….
The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) reports that in 2007 Suicide was the tenth leading cause of death in the United States. Also reported by NIMH is that in 2007 suicide was the third leading cause of death for young people aged 15 to 24. NIMH reports that for every suicide death there are 11 non-fatal suicide attempts reported. Suicide is a preventable mental health problem which occurs approximately 30,000 a year as reported by NIMH. The Jason Foundation reports some of the warning signs of suicide among the youth are: talking about suicide, deepening depression, preoccupation with death, taking risks, self-destructive behaviors, losing interest in what one cares about, suddenly calling or visiting people they care about, making arrangements, and/or giving away prized possessions.
Some of the risk factors reported by Jason Foundation are: Perfectionist personalities, loners, low self-esteem, depression, youths in major trouble, abused, mistreated or neglected, and/or drug users/abusers. NIMH reports some of the risk factors being: depression and other mental health disorders, family history of suicide, exposure of suicidal behaviors of others, firearms in the home and prior suicide attempts.
If life’s situations have you feeling depressed, alone, trapped, hopeless, helpless, and stressed out with nowhere to turn it is time to pick up the phone and give me a call (931-237-5270). Let’s talk! Remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
If you are actively considering suicide or know someone who is PLEASE seek help by calling 911 or National suicide hot line: 1-800-273-8255 or Clarksville TN Crisis Intervention: (931) 648-1000 or Hopkinsville, KY Crisis Intervention: 1-877-473-7766
You reach out to the nightstand and hit the off button for the alarm as you sit up and rub your back and stretch. Your husband never got the chance to know that you defied medical odds and are expecting a child in two months as you were saving that for an anniversary present that you never gave. You grab the sleeping pills and flush them down the toilet scared that next time you may not be so strong. You get dress and prepare yourself for court.
She clings on to her sheet as she stands up in her cell and wraps the sheet around her shoulders as she brushes her teeth and prepares for this day. Arriving at Court, your daughter looks at the floor as she enters and you run up and hug her as she lifts her head and smiles at you. Tears are streaming down your face and hers as you walk out of the court room arm in arm two hours later. You pick up your cell phone before starting the car and make a call that is the first step in getting help for you and your daughter. Yes you called Sandra Herman, LCSW, from the business card your co-worker gave you. You realize there is nothing wrong or shameful in asking for help when you need it. You hope others will do the same. Will you? If you are unsure whether to pick up and call…think of all the what ifs that could have occurred in this story …the ending would have been different.
If life’s challenges, stressors, negativity, or struggles are making you feel depressed, wondering what is the point, or causing you to have suicidal thoughts than give me a call and let’s talk about what is pulling you down. One call could make a difference and be the beginning of a brighter life.
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 Sandra Herman, LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) recently opened a practice at 2515 Wilma Rudoph B lvd in Clarksville. She offers counceling services to families, couples, individuals and adolescents. If you'd like to talk, give her a call (931-237-5270). |
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